before or since

Sometimes I take people at their word. As far as I knew, when she said "We'll always have room on our floor" she meant it. Even after everything fell apart--especially then. There was that look in her eyes, like she knew what was going to happen and she meant it still. And we shook hands--I don't think we ever did that before or since--and she called me a name she never calls me, and it was like she knew. Not that I knew what that meant at the time.

Maybe it was a mistake to believe her after everything we said. Not all of it could be unsaid, and I still remembered the sting of every one of her words, and still wince every time I think of mine. There's always regrets.

When things fell apart that didn't have anything to do with her and all of my other options failed me I decided I'd try to stop by. It had been over a year. There wasn't a lot else to do. I knocked on the door.

She looked better than ever and she smiled, sort of, when she saw me. And she made coffee and we talked for a while, and then I asked if I could possibly sleep on the floor. There was a pause and her smile froze, and she said that tonight wasn't good. She said that she was sure I could find a place.

Six months ago I would have called her on her promises. I'm still not sure what changed.