20100203

incommunicado

I have lost the ability to communicate with my girlfriend in any way. It started last week. I noticed that any time she talked, it sounded like English, but I didn't understand any of the words. I couldn't grasp anything she wrote. And I could tell from her expression that she didn't know what I was saying either, though we couldn't even communicate non-verbally. Somehow it just doesn't make any sense.

It has not affected either of our abilities to communicate with other people, though it does prevent them from actually being able to successfully act as an intermediary between us. Or that's what I think I've managed to figure out. It's hard. We can't actually spend time in the same room with other people anymore, unless one of us doesn't say anything, and even then we only get half the conversation.

I wish I knew what it was doing to her. She seems so sad lately. She'll come home and cry and I'll hold her and try to tell her it will be okay, knowing that she won't understand. She says something to me and I wish I knew what it was. I just know that her kisses taste like farewells and sad endings, and if she leaves I'll never know until she's gone. And I'll always wonder if one day she'll return.

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