20080611

exhausted, finally

A few days ago I was filled with this inexplicable energy, where I was enthusiastic about everything and went about my daily tasks with an unmatched gusto. Whether it was eating breakfast or brushing my teeth, I did so with a singular joy for the activity I'd never known before. Everything seemed new and exciting. I didn't get that feeling of deja vu I always get when I do anything--like this is just the same day as yesterday but I'm wearing a different shirt. Life was fun again. I went for a walk in the morning and talked to my neighbors. I was vibrant and energetic and interesting.

It was only in the evening that I started feeling like this energy must have been some sort of curse. As I was winding down for the day I found that this new-found joie de vivre was keeping me from sleep--there was so much to be done tomorrow. It was quite literally like being a child at Christmas time.

This went on for a few days. I started increasing my daily activities, adding on some energy-intensive workloads, but nothing seemed to happen, and soon my newfound energy was troubling me for the whole day. Where did it come from? Why was I so ecstatic? I devoted myself more wholly to my tasks. I was more cheerful than ever, more talkative, more lively--even while I was tormented with the fear that this energy was bringing me to ruin.

The exhaustion hit me all at once a few hours ago. In the middle of a conversation with a dear friend of mine I found that the energy I had been relying on--even as I despised it--was gone, replaced only with that drained feeling and a hunger for sleep like I'd never known. I told my friend I had to go and made my way into my bedroom, collapsing onto the bed and shutting my eyes and finally found contentment.

1 comment:

Hilary said...

Well what wonderful news! I'm very glad you found sleep again! Usually my spurts of energy only last about an hour, I should consider myself lucky.