cigarette voyeur

Lately I've been watching people smoking--sometimes stealthily, sometimes just as part of daily interactions. It's no secret it's a social activity, but what's interested me are the ones who make it part of something else--like the people who only smoke when they're walking somewhere, and unless you see them when they're in transit you'd never know they're smokers. Or the girl sitting outside on her laptop smoking like it's the most natural thing in the world, like it's just something you do all the time. Or the girl I've written about before who smoked and stood waiting for the bus stop with such disdain.

I used to go outside to join other smokers, socially, but I've stopped that. I only smoke when no one else is. It's not a secret, but if someone else lights up I'll quietly snub mine and save it for later. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I just like the attention, even if it is mostly people giving me strange looks or telling me those things will kill me. For a minute everyone has to pretend to care about me, and only me.