the other kind of fog

I'm not sure when it started, but I've been in this fog lately. It's not that my mind is any less sharp than it usually is, or even, in a certain sense, that I'm less perceptive--but in the other sense that's exactly the problem. When my mind isn't focused on something, I don't notice anything. I'm unsteady when I walk. I don't notice obstacles or people. Today I was walking home and someone I know was standing on a street corner and greeted me, and I just stopped and stared at him for a moment before I realized he was actually talking to me.

I'm not sure when it started. Maybe it's always been like this and I've only just noticed. I don't think anyone else has noticed yet, unless they notice the strange look in my eye as I try to force myself to focus on basic tasks. One foot in front of the other. Don't walk into the man waiting for the light to change. Don't walk into traffic.

And then I sit down and I smile and I force myself to focus and for a while I even convince myself. But eventually the fog rolls in again.

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