mirror images

I read studies that found that couples tend to grow to look alike as they get older. I don't know if that's true, or what that means, but it didn't say anything about starting to look like your ex girlfriends.

I haven't seen her in years. We were together for a year or two, I think, and then there was an ugly falling out and later the sort of awkward reconciliation you get when there was once an ugly falling out. But I know that when I look into the mirror in the past few weeks, I'm starting to see her staring back at me.

It's not just the mirror, either. Photographs of me turn up on the internet and I'm making her expressions. I'd swear my eyes have even turned that weird shade of blue hers are. But it's in the mirror that I spend what must be hours every day practicing expressions, trying to find one that isn't one of hers. Sometimes I manage to coax my smile away from her smile, but it feels unnatural, and all those hours of practice are gone after a few hours.

I'm not unhappy. I'm dating someone else now and she's wonderful. Sure, I think of her sometimes, but I think of a lot of things sometimes. I don't know why this is happening, and I don't know who I can talk to about it. I just want it to stop.

But that worries me too, because I'm frightened, and I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. I think I'm afraid that I'm turning into her, and the thing is there's a reason we don't keep in touch.

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