gum

Something like two a.m. and I'm standing in the grocery store talking to this girl. I don't know her name but the line is really long and it's the only register open. She just started talking to me, like I might care what she has to say. Turns out she just had a nasty break with her boyfriend (and I assume she's saying this because she's hoping for a one night stand with yours truly, though she's buying a lot of stuff and I'm just getting a bottle of Coke and I don't want to stick around) so she's single now. She's not sad, she's pissed. Talking about destroying his life, burning it down, telling him just what she thinks of him, and I'm thinking yeah, sure, lady.

"What about you? You have a lady friend?" she says when she notices I'm checking out the selection of sugar-free mint gums with taglines like "The Freshmaker" and not paying attention to her anymore. I shrug and say "Not really" because nobody wants to hear "It's complicated" because they think that means you want to explain and I don't really. "Oh," she says, and grabs a pack of gum. "I like this kind."

I'm thinking good for you, lady. I don't get a pack. When I check out I say "See you" even though I know I won't.

cigarettes and cough suppressants

I've been smoking a lot lately. My health has been in steady decline and I'm losing even more weight but I don't really want to stop--I probably could if I wanted to but I don't want to. I don't care. As my immune system is in its steady decline I've contracted a cough--it's been pretty nasty and I think the smoking makes it worse, but it's nothing that a good cough suppressant won't fix.

As I stand in line at the grocery store with a bottle of Nyquil in one hand and a pack of Camels in the other, I think the attendant thinks I'm a bit off.

take the elevator down

I met her on the second floor, going up. She was the only other person on the elevator. It was late and I was really tired. We didn't say much at first. I was barely staying awake or even standing up and she just stood there and looked so damn perfect. I nodded when she got on and she smiled at me and hit the button and we went up.

I thought about what would happen if the elevator broke and we fell and died. She was standing in the other corner, smiling to herself, and without even saying anything I knew I didn't want her to die. I didn't even know her name and I'd probably never see her again. My morbid thoughts drew me to her. The elevator stopped and the doors opened and she smiled at me again and walked out.

"Wait," I said. "I don't even know your name." She told me. And I never saw her again.