a bitter pill

I bought a drug that will kill anyone who has recently betrayed someone else. I administered it to my girlfriend tonight, when I cooked dinner for her. According to my dealer, it works best when you serve it mixed in with food, so I just added it to the meal. It turns out it's actually a pretty good seasoning, too--or maybe it was just the sweet taste of victory.

But the problem is she's not dead. She doesn't even look ill. We're watching a movie now, and it's all I can do to focus. I've got a headache that's worse than anything I've ever had, and my vision's blurring and there's this dull ache in my stomach and a sharp pain in my side. It's a comedy--she likes comedies--and every time she laughs, which is often, the headache gets worse and my ears ring for what seems like hours. I can't even understand what she says, or what the people in the movie are saying. It's taking all the energy I have just to write this.

I think I'm dying. I think this must be what dying feels like. I don't know why it's not killing her, or why it's working just on me. I was only ever loyal to her. I did everything right. Maybe she's just better at pretending than I am. That must be it. Even now, at the end, she wants to pretend it's all fine, like she never did anything. At least I can die knowing she'll get what's coming to her in the end.

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