breathless

Last night I finally stopped breathing. I held my breath and never let it out.

At first my lungs burned. I was desperate for air, would have done anything for another breath, but I forced myself to keep holding on. The burning turned to euphoria and dizziness and my eyes went dark and I held on, biting my lip, gripping the arms of my chair, and the world spun and everything went black for what seemed like forever.

When I woke up in the morning I didn't need to breathe. I was clear-headed and confident, more than I'd ever been before. The entirety of my life before that point seemed like an intricate dream--one that went on for a very long time and made very little sense and now that I'd woken up I was grasping for details that were slipping away. Soon it was just an emotional impression and a few vague ideas that I couldn't articulate.

The world seemed to happen in slow-motion. I noticed every detail, reacted faster than I would have thought possible before. I didn't get light-headed and hyperventilate in crowds like I used to. Even my voice became clearer and stronger when I talked. Everything seemed new and exciting and different. I was free.