memory restoration

I lost most of my memory in the accident. The doctors told me they could give it back, though, with this new experimental drug they were working on. I couldn't stand the looks of pain on the faces of people I was supposed to know when I just gave them a blank expression, so of course I said I'd do it.

At first it seemed to work fine. I knew everyone I was supposed to, even if I wasn't really sure how I knew them. They seemed comforted. I was coming back. It was good.

Then the memories started getting weird. I remembered things that people kept telling me never happened, and eventually things that on some level I knew couldn't possibly have happened. People doing terrible things to me, or me doing something terrible to someone I loved. I could never do that, could I? But they felt so real.

The further back the memories went, the weirder they were. None of it made sense anymore. The emotions associated with them were all wrong--I felt happy thinking of deaths and disasters. Falling in love was characterized more by fear than any sort of nostalgia. But I kept going. It made no sense but it gave me some sort of connections to go by. It was better than living in a vacuum.