headaches

When the world is sick, can't no one be well.

I started getting headaches when I was too young to remember. I asked my mother about them one time and that's what she told me, so I guess I've been popping pills since before I could get all my food into my mouth. They never really got worse, but they didn't get better either. I always tell people "you get used to it" but you don't, not really. It hurts just as much every time, and every time you think maybe this time you won't be able to take it, maybe this time you won't get to the pills in time, maybe this time you're going to die. It's always maybe this time until the time you're right, I guess.

I don't even know if it can actually kill me. I just know that the world stops screaming when I take the pills, that then I can lay down and wait for it to pass. Then it's at least bearable, even if I can't really do anything for a while after.

Actually, I lied about not getting used to it. Not the pain, exactly, but it puts a lot of things in perspective. You can put up with a lot of shit because, hey, it could be worse. You've been through worse. You're constantly going through worse. And you keep telling yourself that in the hopes that one day it'll work.