trust, pt. 1

Alex.

I was always pretty careful about who to trust. I know that makes me sound like I think I'm all smart and clever and shit but it's just the truth. I didn't let people get close to me. It was safest that way. Then I started hoarding secrets so I could hand some out to the few people that earned my trust.

The one I remember is the one I gave to Eris, forever ago. It was a story I'd never told anyone. When I was in middle school I had a friend who died. Back then it was just me and her against the world. We were pretty much inseparable, and probably a little insufferable, too. I got no illusions about that. I remember we were out running around, doing whatever it is middle school kids do and she suddenly just collapsed. I thought she was just being silly. I laughed. I told her to get up. Then when she didn't I just sat there at her side and had no fucking idea what to do. It felt like forever before I finally called someone to help. And I always wondered if she might have lived if only I'd been smart enough to call for help sooner.

I never told anyone that story, at first because it hurt, then later because I wanted to have a secret. Then Eris showed up on my front porch and suddenly I wanted her to be a part of that. I let her in and wanted to make sure she knew how much I trusted her, so I gave her this secret. Literally gave it to her, all wrapped up and written down. "I'm giving you this because I know I can trust you," I said, and I meant every word.