false memories

They invented a pill that cures regret. My doctor prescribed it to me as soon as it came out, and I was happy to comply. With one pill I forgot all of my old girlfriends and all the stupid things I'd said and done--or, not quite forgot. I can still remember, of course. But I don't think about it anymore, and when I remember it I don't feel anything. I'm not happy or sad. It's the same way you'd remember what street you live on. Just a simple fact.

And when I start getting those pangs of nostalgia, or find myself thinking of her lips on my neck or her hands around my waist, it's another pill and those thoughts go away. My memory retention is just fine, and so long as I am taking them regularly I never have an errant regret. I am a perfectly happy and functional person.

Except I can't maintain a relationship anymore.

I've tried a few times now. It always ends with me just never thinking about her. Even if I like her and am perfectly nice to her. Once she's out of sight nothing ever makes me think of her. If for some reason someone brings her up there is no sense of obligation. It's just a fact--oh yes, I am in a relationship.

They usually say that I am too emotionally distant, or that I am not very thoughtful. I act like I don't care. Or, most often, that I'm so inconsistent. One minute I'm caring and loving and whatever and the next it's like she doesn't exist. Which is probably accurate.

But the pills do what they're supposed to. It's only when I forget to take them that I start wondering if maybe I should stop, if it's taken something important from me. And then it's another pill and the idea has left my mind entirely.

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