wintry mix

Important milestones are all well and good, but it is difficult to be hopeful with weather like this--not quite snowing but definitely not raining, either, and the winter's far from over. I'm not hopeful for the future. I think a lot of things could go wrong. I know they will. Nothing lasts. Terrible things are happening every day. There is nothing that I can do to improve the world and very little I can do to even help the people around me. I used to think that I could make them laugh, at least, but who remembers that even a day later?

I'm standing here waiting for a bus that will never come with a girl who I haven't known for too long, but she makes me smile and I think she means it when she laughs at my jokes, even though I don't joke too much around her, because I joke when things are going wrong. And earlier today all the politicians were making their speeches about the world. It felt so strange and disconnected, watching everyone pretend that no one is responsible for the problems they caused and act like it's possible to fix them.

And I know she doesn't fix things, and she won't fix me. But it's cold out and miserable and we're all alone out here, and I don't want to live in a world where no one can make me smile, or where I have to act like anything that I just said is true.