beginnings, pt. iii

It was, I suppose, the snowstorm that ultimately sparked the beginning of our relationship. It was one of the winter festivals we would throw at the palace, something to keep the city's nobility entertained during the cold and the dark, complete with fencing and dancing and music and feasts. She was there to fence, and she defeated the city's best and brightest with such grace and such little apparent effort that of course I fell in love straightaway. It's hard to imagine someone who wouldn't have. I was too dedicated to being a good hostess to our guests to offer more than a perfunctory congratulations on her victory, but I couldn't stop myself from watching her as she navigated the crowds, so effortlessly confident, so carelessly charismatic, and every now and then she would catch me staring and just grin.

Her confidence cracked when my father announced that the storm had picked up, that lodging would be made available for those guests who could not make it home. I found her on the balcony, staring out into the blizzard, shivering against the cold. She was still there when I returned with tea. I don't think she realized who I was when I pressed a cup into her hand at first, until she turned back to look at me, a faint smirk on her lips. "A princess serving a mere commoner tea? What will your court think?"

"I just--you looked cold," I stammered, instead of something clever or even something passingly flirtatious like "I won't tell if you won't."

But she smiled, and turned back to the blizzard. "You don't have to be afraid of me, you know."

"I'm not afraid," I said, and hated how shrill, how unconvincing my voice sounded as I did. But I stood next to her on the balcony and gazed out into the storm with her, and if she found my presence as irritating as I knew she must have, she was too polite to say. Then, hating myself all the while, I said, "Are you all right?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Someone brought me tea, so I'm going to say yes." A long pause followed. "Tell me your thoughts, princess. You must see something when you watch the snow bury your city."

I decided to take my time in answering. "It reminds me that everything can disappear in an instant, that everything I do will one day disappear. But it's beautiful. I could watch it for hours. And that makes me hopeful, even if it's a stupid reason to be hopeful."

She smiled at that. "Me, too, princess. Me, too."