waiting, pt. ii

The thing I hate most about the empire is how terrified they all are of the forest. Even here in the heartland, where they've tamed every wild thing, when I tell my friends we should celebrate midwinter properly, they shy away, make excuses. I can see the fear in their eyes, though: they're afraid we'll attract spirits. And I know enough about the heartlanders to know I can't just take them by the shoulders and look them in the eyes and say, "That's the point."

So I'm here alone. It's cold, and even the winter coats they wear in the capital aren't warm enough against a proper winter's chill, but the fire burns hot and nobody seems to mind if I still use blankets from home, so I have them wrapped around me like a cloak as I sit, facing the flame, watching the gibbous moon rising above the clearing. It's cold enough it has a halo, bright enough I think I could navigate the forest by its light alone. The perfect night for awakening the old sparks of wilderness the empire had tried to bury.

I make offerings: wine from my home, some of the hard bread and stale cheese I packed for the journey, a song I heard in the market, a thin trickle of blood from my forearm. I imagine my friends joining the song, dancing with them around the fire--a celebration, a welcoming. But they are safe in their beds, resting well. They will never hear footsteps crunching in the snow behind them, or the crackling and roar of the fire as it flickers and flares in the fitful breeze, just as the forest will never hear the music of our mingled voices as we keep ourselves entertained waiting for dawn to break at the end of the longest night of the year.

When I feel myself beginning to nod off I curl up in my tent, and let the sounds of the winter forest lull me to sleep, each rustling sound or odd footstep a promise, a potential, a hope, that maybe something wild has been waiting all this time for someone to bring the spark it needs to grow bright and strong. And when it does--if it does--it will find me waiting for it, ready to welcome it, to help bring the wild spaces back to this dying land.