pattern

I started studying history in the hopes it would be useful. Whether the objective was to change the world or merely to rule competently, she would need guidance, perspective, someone who could look at the world and see the patterns. So I studied deep and broad, because when she had a question I was determined to have the answer. Even once I'd moved on to living a life of my own, and even once I realized that if it were possible to gain the powers of an oracle through nothing more than reading a great deal, everyone would be studying history with just as much enthusiasm as I was, I enjoyed delving. The world made more sense.

But sometimes there were patterns. Sometimes, watching events unfold, it all felt familiar, or at least expected. And towards the end, before the war, before everything fell apart, I tried to warn her. If anyone could prevent disaster, it would be her.

"I thought you, of all people, would understand," she told me. "Are you having second thoughts?"

How many times had a ruler stood at the precipice of disaster? How many times had they had a friend, a confidant, an adviser, try to warn them, only to have their advice discarded? My mistake, I realized later, was assuming that if I worked to help her achieve her goals, we could avoid catastrophe. Because she really did want to make the world a better place, and somehow I believed that meant she actually could, that despite her failings, she was our best chance.

 It's hard to see the pattern when you're part of it.